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1. |
Theme Song 2
04:35
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Abi: What about Mafia Dad 2? That was a good sequel?
Kevin: Sure, once in a blue moon they don’t screw it up, but it doesn’t change the fact that most sequels are terrible and a bad idea.
Ryvyr: Sharkgirl and Lavaboy 2 was really good.
Kevin: I thought you said it didn’t have enough violence?
Ryvyr: All the good G movies never have enough violence
Abi: They’re for kids
Ryvyr: How are the kids going to learn to defend their tribe?
Abi: You’re the cutest little homicidal goblin i know
Ryvyr: Love you too, babe (kissy noises)
Abi: Have you thought about your catch phrase
Ryvyr: Shouldn’t we focus on this new murder we driving to?
Abi: We’ll figure it out when we get there
Kevin: Not much further now. I not sure we both need a catch phrase, but if i had one it could be
“You didnt think about that, did you, you bulbous hemorrhoid?”
Abi: as a catchphrase?
Ryvyr: What’s a hemorrhoid?
Abi: No. We are a primetime show. You cannot say hemorrhoid every episode.
Kevin: But you say word hell?
Abi: Spell from hell time!
Kevin: How is hell better than hemorrhoid?
Abi: It just is. No one wants to hear about…
Ryvyr: So do you sing your theme song every episode?
Kevin: Well, if we’re a movie, we do a new, more hip theme song. Like:
Its Kevin and Abi back on the case
Come inspectin’ and dectectin’ till the culprit’s aced
If the bodies are a pilin and you don’t know which is which
Come a solvin’ and revolving with Kevin and the witch
Sherlock and Poirot, Father Brown and Sam Spade
All step back and raise a glass when the mouse is on the case
Cause its find the guilty time and make that killer their bitch
another crime unwinds with Kevin and the Witch
Chorus:
Kevin and the witch
Abi: No nonono no Absolutely not. We are a murder of the week, hit prime time show. Same song every time. It’s comforting. Here, Like this:
Abi: If murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeballs twitch
Kevin: Don’t you moan, pick up the phone call Kevin and witch
Abi: We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
Kevin: Kevin is the sweet one and Abi’s a raging b...
Abi: Don’t you dare say it
Kevin & Abi:
If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
We’re the friends at your wits end, Kevin and the witch
Kevin: It is a classic
Ryvyr: I liked the terrible rapping
Kevin: What if i wore a backwards baseball hat and chain and spit the ver..
Abi: What if we didn’t do a sleazy, corporate, culturally appropriating cash grab
...
Kevin: It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
Abi: Brilliant sly, astute and wise we always get our guy
Kevin: Abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind
Abi: Kevin has a brilliant mind nothing escapes his eye
Kevin & Abi:
If the cops have given up, don’t panic don’t you twitch
The best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch
Ryvyr: We should do a blood scream at the end
Kevin: A blood scream?
Ryvyr: You know, like… “the mouse and yes the witch” (scream)
Kevin: Oddly it works better than you’d first think. So a pair of cows were talking in a…
Abi: Stop right there. No. Aren’t we here?
Kevin: Oh, we’ve arrived.
Ryvyr: Oh, this place is fancy
Abi: This is the home of Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises
Ryvyr: Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises?
Abi: Say it once more for the viewers at home
Ryvyr: The rich and powerful Santiago Winter, CEO of VV Enterprises
Abi: Did Mr. Winters actually call us?
Kevin: No. It might have been his wife, although the voice was very computer
Abi: So do we just knock on the front door?
Kevin: This door is enormous
Ryvyr: You know, i keep a mace with me for just such occasions
Kevin: You can’t possibly mean mace as in…
(THUNK)
Abi: That’s a big dent you put in their door
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2. |
Entrance
02:00
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(Door opens)
Robots:
Who are you we must know if you are allowed
Identify your peasant selves and do it now
You must state your legal name and business or
We are authorized to act with lethal force
Kevin: Yes, um, hello giant metal killing machines. we were called here by Mrs Xiao-Li Winters maybe? There’s been an incident with her son?
Ryvyr: Incident?
Abi: Probably murder. We don’t get called to solve scrapes and bruises.
Robots:
Please surrender weapons all the ones you have
Please Surrender weapons or you cannot pass
Kevin: We don’t carry any weapons
Ryvyr: (sighs) Oh all right
( sound of ridiculous number of items being dropped)
Robots: ALL your weapons
(sound of more objects dropping)
Robots: You may pass
Abi: Those are very scary robots
Ryvyr: Why did they have faerie sigils on them?
Kevin: What?
Abi: Are you sure?
Kevin: Well, that is interesting. Where do we go? this place is huge.
Abi: Santiago Winters has invested a lot in this new internet thing that’s taking off.
Kevin: That thing where your phone makes those horrendous noises and then your screen takes 5 minutes to show someone’s diary or something?
Abi: They’re called web pages. People and businesses can write stuff on them
Kevin: It sounds stupid. This is never going to go anywhere
Ryvyr: They should put cat pictures up!
Kevin: I hate cats. No one wants to look at cat pictures. Disgusting beasts.
Ryvyr: They’re delicious
Abi: I’m sure it’ll take off once they start putting cat pictures up
Kevin: Here we are. Hello, you must be Mrs….
Xiao-Li: Xiao-Li, Xiao-Li Winters.
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3. |
Xiao-Li Winters
03:36
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Xiao-Li:
For a girl the key in life will be her marriage, this is true
So the wealth can be insured on down her line
You can’t get richer than my husband so I guess I’ve have won
And my son an angel, such the perfect life
I had boy in college, he was poor we were in love
But In the student uprise both of us in jail
My family said they’d see that he remained there or was free
If by fall i wore their chosen bridal veil
My happiness instilled by mommy’s little pills
My one delight in life aside from my son why
Must Kem always brood, bleak and sad
He sits before that screen And never smiles at me
How id give all i have to make him grin again
Just one smile is all that i ask
Joy it will come one day in Elysium
Til then we endure as we must
all our duties and cares, lonesome burdens we bear
Til Elysium
.
My husband is cold one, business burdens fill his head
He and Kem don’t see me here I can attest
The online school he’s built has cost a fortune and then some
And Kem the guinea pig on which it rests
My son i know is sad a lonely life he has
You’ll smile i say when you see Elysium
And now he will know what its like
We do our duty til one day too many pills
My Kem has been released in heaven we will meet
When soon I am free of this life
Joy it will come one day in Elysium
Til then we endure as we must
all our duties and cares, lonesome burdens we bear
Til Elysium
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4. |
Take Us To The Body
01:44
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Kevin: Wow, a murder and a train wreck all in one. So how long was it between discovering the body and calling us?
Xiao-Li: I didn’t call
Kevin: You didn’t?
Xiao-Li:
You are mistaken i must say
I’ve only now discovered it myself
My Kem, my darling boy his woe is over at long last
In heaven now he rests
Kevin: Oh bloody hell. Lady, you can’t tell you’re glad that…
Abi: Kevin, we all deal with grief differently
Kevin: Ok, ok, you’re right. I know. (Sighs) Can you please take us to the body?
Xiao-Li: Zippy did you call these nice detectives?
Kevin: Zippy?
Xiao-Li: Zippy controls all security
Kevin: Zippy?
Xiao-Li: He’s an AI that my husband has created
Zippy: You said Zippy, that is me!
I’m zippy I’m your virtual assistant can i help you out with something on this bright and lovely day
Xiao-Li: My husband’s sense of humor
Zippy: I heard you say dead body is that right it just so happens that we have one here about just step this way
Kevin: Zippy, did you call us?
Zippy: The sad boy, who no one will notice, crying for help no one comes
Darkness, someone has taken, someone has taken the sun
Xiao-Li: Zippy, what are you on about?
Zippy: I’m zippy I’m your virtual assistant can I help you out with something on this bright and lovely day
I heard you say dead body is that right it just so happens that we have one here about just step this way
Kevin: We’ll talk alone later. zippy, can you please take us to the body?
Zippy: Sure thing!
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5. |
The Crime Scene
06:21
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The day of dark has finally come
The day when tragedy succumbs
At last the end it has begun
The day they’ve taken out the sun
Abi: Oh my goddess, someone put a massive dagger through the top of this boy’s head
Ryvyr: Why is he tied to a chair
Abi: He’s strapped in like a prisoner
Kevin: Hold on, what are other people doing at an active crime scene?!
Xiao-Li: These are friends of Kem
Kevin: Who are you two and what are you doing here?
Alyssa: I’m Alyssa
Geoff: I’m Geoff
Alyssa: I’m the top student at our school
Geoff: You mean number two student
Alyssa: Geoff shut up. What happened to our friend?
Geoff: The mouse is even smaller than you
Kevin: Someone put a very large and very heavy dagger through his head
Ryvyr: That’s not a dagger, that’s the Sword of Demetrius
Abi: You know this weapon?
Ryvyr: I do
Geoff: The goblin is also small, not as small as the mouse but maybe as small as Alyssa
Abi: He’s oddly obsessed with people’s heights
Alyssa: Geoff, it’s time to chill
Geoff: Okay
Kevin: I need everybody to move back so i can examine the crime scene
Chorus:
The day of dark has finally come
The day when tragedy succumbs
At last the end it has begun
The day they’ve taken out the sun
Kevin: His name was Kem, correct?
Xiao-Li: My baby is happy now
Kevin: Why is he strapped to the chair
Alyssa: We’re all part of this online school prototype thing his dad came up with
Kevin: Online school?
Alyssa: Yeah, it’s this virtual classroom. It’s called the Voodooverse
Abi: The Voodooverse?
Xiao-Li: It’s fun like the old Voodoopunks
Alyssa: It’s not fun
Kevin: But why the straps?
Alyssa: To keep us from leaving.
Geoff: The straps hurt.
Abi: They strap you in? For school?
Alyssa: They automatically release when the school day is done
Abi: You can’t be serious
Alyssa: Rumor is it uses some kind of old Arcadia Corp tech
Kevin: This dagger took some serious strength and height to stab like this
Geoff: Alyssa is very small. Not like me, I’m very large but she’s quite little
Alyssa: Geoff shut up. We loved Kem.
Geoff: I loved Kem. He was medium height, but his eyes were beautiful. You were always complaining about how he kept you from being the number one studen..
Alyssa: Geoff. Shut. Up.
The day of dark has finally come
The day when tragedy succumbs
At last, the end it has begun
The day they’ve taken out the sun
Kevin: So what are you two doing here?
Alyssa: When Kem went offline we got very worried and came to check on him
Abi: Hang on, just how long has he been sitting here?
Zippy: 47 minutes
Kevin: Who found him first?
Xiao-Li: I think I did
Abi: Why didn’t you call us immediately? Why did zippy call without your knowledge?
Xiao-Li: I needed a pill
Kevin: How did the two of you get in?
Alyssa: We were… we…
Geoff: He said to say a window
Alyssa: Yes, we know a window Kem leaves open
Kevin: So Kem went offline in class and you two ran over immediately
Alyssa: Yup.
Kevin: But i thought the straps only let you out when class is done
Geoff: Well, we needed to come look for th…
Alyssa: Come look for Kem anyway. He’s been very sad and disturbed. We’ve been very worried
Abi: Why was he sad and disturbed?
Alyssa: There’s more going on online than you realize.
Geoff: Even though the dagger is big and heavy, it’s kind of really pretty
Ryvyr: That’s a fairy sword.
Kevin: It has the same sigil that’s on the security robots.
Ryvyr: The sword will repel and dispel any form of human magic.
Kevin: Can I take a look at this online school?
Zippy: The school has gone dark. The sun is gone.
Alyssa: Yeah, the classroom went dark. It’s totally down.
Kevin: Let me see.
Alyssa: Here, I’m a computer whizz.
(They listen)
Kevin: There are some.. odd noises.
Zippy: The sun has been lost.
Kevin: When you say son, do you mean..
Santiago: What is going on here?
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6. |
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Santiago: You’re trespassing. You must leave
You’re trespassing on private property
Kevin: Sir, we were called to investigate your son’s murder
Santiago: We don’t need you or your help
We will handle this internally ourselves
Abi: We’ve never failed to solve a case yet
Santiago: You’re trespassing…
Kevin: Okay, okay!
Ryvyr: Do you want me to take him down?
Abi: It is his house
Kevin: We’re going, fine.
(They leave and return to car.)
Kevin: There’s a whole lot of off here
Abi: Is it just me or do all of them seem like they’re hiding something?
Kevin: Ryvyr, you said you recognize that sword?
Ryvyr: The Sword of Demetrius. I do. In fact I happen to have a story all about it.
Kevin: Is this another one of those things where she plays the guitar while explaining?
Abi: You couldn’t stop it now even if you wanted to
Ryvyr: It’s…. storytime
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7. |
Storytime 3
08:17
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Ryvyr:
It’s story time It’s story time It’s story time
It’s storytime, oh storytime has come
So grab a drink and sit down on your bum
Well once upon a time not long ago
There was a big bad war as we all know
The war of the ankle bracelets, we deposed
Mauron the Bad and his fiery nose
Goblins and fairies fought side by side
And we vowed our friendship wouldn’t die
So every 50 years we’d meet cry
Hey besties it’s party time
Well one year you know the fairies came
And we hired some dwarves to go and make
A sword to show our lasting bond
But this is where he story gets kind of long
There was a goblin boy his name Demetrius and he
Well he had a fairy bud named Galadriel now see
I want to stress this tale is not a romance they were buds they say
Just two super buds who dreamed of being roommates some day
The goblin king said boys a have a mission for you now
Take a like little stroll and go pick up the sword from down there south
From the dwarves and bring it back here and don’t dawdle on the way
The sacred friendship of our people rest upon you two this day
It’s story time it’s story time it’s story time…
So The two best buds they went on down
To get the sword from the dwarves down there in the south
But you’ll never guess just what caught their eye
A grove of shruffy shrooms they happened to find
Demetrius said now we must be
Responsible young adults then he
And Galadriel just laughed and laughed and hey
The boys they tripped balls the whole next day
But in the middle of their good times i say
Well this alien space ship came down their way
And they said a fairy boy well this our lucky day
So they went and poor Galadriel they did take
Demetrius awoke the next morning and he said
Several very naughty words that you don’t need to hear and then
He vowed his bud he’d rescue but the spaceship it was parked
On the top of Mount Chumungahunga which is very steep and dark
But the first thing he did was go to the dwarves and get that sword
Cause he wasn’t gonna let anything happen to his favorite buddarooni
he liked to get naked with but in a completely pure and wholesome way
So he climbed up Chumungahunga which was not an easy feat
And he saw the spaceship, realized he was screwed and so what he
Did was swallow that whole sword and kept it in his throat and tum
Then the aliens they came gathered Demetrius on up
They threw him in a cell with ol Galadriel his bud
Then Demetrius said here and puked the whole sword back on up
And he said my special bud ive come to rescue you this day
Take this sword and we can show these aliens how fairies play
So the buds they fought and sliced and sluiced
And alien blood went splat and sploosh
And smack and crack and wham and pow
Its time for violence right about now
Galadriel returned to his family its true
But Demetrius he died up on the mountain i tell you
But that sword it was named after him and they all say
That when Galadriel became king that sword never left his side for a single day
And that’s why aliens check your butt, to make sure there are no swords hiding in it
It’s story time it’s story time it’s story time…
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8. |
Let's Go Back
01:56
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Abi: So how did this fairy sword end up in that boy Kem’s head
Kevin: Santiago Winters is wealthy beyond description and a collector of rare oddities. My guess is he bought it at some auction
Abi: So are we really just going to walk away?
Kevin: No, we’re not. What did Xiao-Li Winters mean by Kem is the guinea pig?
Abi: Santiago Winters wants to market an online school where the students are strapped in like inmates
Kevin: I think we should ignore Mr. Winters and stay on this
Ryvyr: Yay! That sword doesn’t belong to him
Abi: I mean, technically it might
Ryvyr: I could use a few more weapons
Abi: You can’t be serious
Kevin: I want to see this school myself. Alyssa said she was a computer whizz. Let’s find her address and get her to help us get it back up and running
(They drive to Alyssa’s house and knock on her door.)
Alyssa: Oh, it’s you
Geoff: Hello, my name is Geoff, I’m a friend of Alyssa’s
Abi: We just met before
Geoff: Oh, okay
Abi: There a scent of magic in here
Alyssa: I dont know the first thing about magic nor do i care to
Kevin: We need you to get us back into that classroom
Alyssa: The Voodooverse?
Kevin: Yes. But first, we’re going to need you tell us all about your relationship with Kem
Alyssa: Fine
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9. |
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Alyssa:
I never got a silver spoon
A dad that stayed, a front row view
Or choices that you’d ever choose
Just wishes in the bin
I never got a wealthy dad
A tutor or a private class
Dining rooms, VIP pass
Just scratch cards that don’t win
All alone into the night
Music loud to give me life
I study by the midnight light
For lives worth living in
I never got the winning prize
Second place was always mine
No one holds me when i cry
My kitchen smells like gin
I never got to be the best
Just second hand, protecting Geoff
a home with moms’ stale cigarettes
And scratch cards that don’t win
All alone into the night
Music loud to give me life
I study by the midnight light
For lives worth living in
Weeks to months to years to life
In retail jobs that make you die
Exhausted in a run-down flat
That smells like mold and beer and cats
I never got the lucky break
If luck exists, it makes me wait
No bus is coming yet i wait
For wishes on the wind
I never spent the unpaid loans
Broken mothers, run down homes
Dads and dreams that never phone
And scratch cards that don’t win
All alone into the night
Music loud to give me life
I study by the midnight light
For lives worth living in
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10. |
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Abi: So Kem was always the best student?
Alyssa: I worked twice as hard as him
Geoff: Although she’s the best student now
Abi: I’m sorry
Geoff: She was just saying, now that Kem’s gone…
Alyssa: Geoff shut up
Geoff: But all those scholarships, that’s really good for yo…
Alyssa: My friend would never say these things. And anyway, we need zippy. He’s the key to getting back in. We’re going to need to break into the Winters house
Geoff: Through the special window i know
Abi: All that security and you can just climb in a window?
Kevin: All right, lets go
Geoff:
Everybody gets an aria, I better get my say
Im a kid who’s only 15
Alyssa: 16
Geoff:
16 and I’m gay
I am so in love with kem, it’s so…
Alyssa: You feel your heart will burst?
Geoff: Yes, and he never saw me that way so wow, it’s just the worst
It’s very sympathetic. Boy, we’ve had it rough
Me and Alyssa we’re tight we’re total bffs, the works
And me, I’m kinda stupid so ignore when I’m confused
Just here supporting Alyssa, no clue here what to do
Alyssa: Don’t you have any shame?
Kevin: And we’re back at the computer.
Alyssa: Zippy? It’s me, Alyssa. We need to get into the classroom
Zippy: Well hello there, Alyssa!
Its zippy I’m your personal assistant can i help you out with something on this bright and lovely day
Kevin: Can you tell him…
Zippy: I heard you say help you into the classroom is that right because i’ll get you guys all in there right away!
Kevin: Zippy how well did you know Kem?
Alyssa: Zippy was Kem’s only real friend
Abi: I’m sorry, what?
Zippy: The sad boy, who no one would notice
Trying to fight ‘gainst his dad
Wishing, that he could escape from this world so cruel and so mad
I’m zippy I’m your personal assistant can i help you out with something ob this bright and lovely day
I heard you say help you into the classroom is that right because we’re in so here it is come on let’s play
Hey there folks, welcome to the Voodooverse!
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11. |
The Voodooverse
05:48
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Dollay Dollay woo! Dollay Dollay woo! Dollay Dollay woo! School is fun!
Dollay Dollay woo! Dollay Dollay woo! Dollay Dollay woo! School is fun!
We do some reading, writing, dividing, multiplying, geography and science. School is fun!
We do some reading, writing, dividing, multiplying, geography and science. School is fun!
Learning, learning, learning, learning, learning, learning, School is fun!
Kevin: What grade are you in?
Alyssa: We’re in fricking high school
Ryvyr: The graphics are amazing
Abi: Does this play every time you log in?
Alyssa: Every. Single. Morning.
Kevin: This is kind of like if hell were made out of sugar
Geoff: I like this song
…
Abi: The graphics really are incredible
Kevin: How come i have to wait 3 minutes for a web page to load but this thing looks like a full-scale animated movie
Alyssa: Because the tech behind this is impossible. This is decades beyond where we actually are.
Abi: Is there magic involved?
Alyssa: That’s why Rob Stillwell is willing to pay so much
Geoff: Alyssa you should be quiet now
Kevin: Wait, did you just say Rob Stillwell?
Abi: Isn’t that Santiago Winters’ main rival?
Kevin: It sure is. Alyssa, what did you mean by that?
Geoff: Alyssa needs to shut her mouth and go point out Kem’s desk
Zippy: This is Kem’s desk, with the locked box. The sun is gone. The sun is gone.
Ryvyr: The box is covered in fairy runes
Abi: She’s right. This box is covered in fairy runes. Very powerful ones too.
Zippy: The sun is gone! The sun is gone!
School Is Fun
Kevin: Zippy, can you get this box open?
Zippy: No, I need Alyssa
Kevin: Alyssa, have you seen this box before?
Alyssa: It’s Kem’s obsession. He was always working in it.
Kevin: Wait, did you say “in” the box?
Alyssa: Yeah, the box is a mini world, like the hidden level to a game
Kevin: Get this open.
Abi: Kevin… I hate to interrupt…
Kevin: What?
Ryvyr: The walls
Abi: Yeah, the walls
Kevin: What about them? They’re cartoony
Ryvyr: You don’t see the fairies?
Kevin: Fairies?
Abi: There are fairies in the walls
Kevin: Behind the walls?
Abi: No, literally in the walls. Like the walls are made out of fairies
Ryvyr: Very unhappy ones
Alyssa: Kem never wanted to hang out cause he just wanted to work in the box. He said his real life was in there
Zippy: You need to open the box! The sun! I can bring back the sun if you open the box
Alyssa: I’m working on it!
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12. |
The Open Box
02:25
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Alyssa: I got it! Its open!
Kevin: Let’s see whats in there
Abi: It’s completely dark
Zippy: The sun is gone!
Kevin: Shoosh, let me listen
It’s the same thing i heard before. It sounds like things are in there.
Zippy: Kem did it. He worked so hard. We must bring the sun back. For Kem.
Abi: So, you’re talking about a literal light source
Kevin: Wait do you hear that?
Pixel:
Through pain and strife, we stand here and we fight
Until the day our people all are free
Though tears we cry, we fight until we die
We fight until our people are all free
Kevin: Who is that?
Santiago: You again?
You’re trespassing. You must leave
You’re trespassing on private property
Kevin: Aaahhh! Not this again
Ryvyr: Why are all the melodies on this case so annoying?
Alyssa: What does that mean?
Abi: She thinks people in this world randomly sing things
Ryvyr: You all do it a lot
Santiago:
You must leave here, i have a gun!
I will shoot you, i suggest you run
Kevin: Abi…
Abi: I’m on it. Spell from hell time!
(Thunderclap)
Santiago: My arm is frozen!
Ryvyr: Couldn’t you do something more dramatic?
Abi: I figure this episode blew its entire budget on the Voodooverse graphics
Kevin: Cute. Mr. Winters, there is some seriously weird stuff going on here and we need answers. And frankly, from what im piecing together, you arent going to call the cops on us.
Abi: And this is my I’m-being-very-nice spell. So don’t make me be mean.
Ryvyr: There’s fairies in the whizz-whizz box!
Abi: The computer. How did you get fairies into the computer?
Kevin: Mr. Winters, you need to start explaining or my colleague here starts casting some very nasty spells that will shrink portions of your anatomy to the size of raisons.
Abi: I’ve got a really good one that will give you constant mouth sores for 3 years
Alyssa: Ugh, that’s horrible
Abi: Or make your saliva taste like vinegar
Santiago: Oh fine. All right.
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13. |
Rockamania
06:16
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Santiago:
Everybody wants the ring that is worn by the king
And they cling and they think they can take him down
Everybody thought that they got a shot at the top
Be the boss get a piece of that golden crown
Number ones not the seat for the weak and the meek
You gonna need to heave some big brass balls
To be first i confirm need some nerve and verve
To deserve in turn to have it all
But the crown of the king has a heavy swing
Every pup lining up to rebuff your crown
Every day on the stage find a way to play
Rockamania is coming down
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
Everybody wants to wear the ring
Heavy is the crown worn by the king
What the heck who the next breathing down my neck
Stay on top or my stock gonna take a hit
So i pay me a mage came one day and say he’ll
Build a cage for the Fae make ‘em work and sweat
I’m a hustler and a maker I’m a job creator
So a trapped a bunch of fairies and put ‘em to work
They were lazy and slack now they crack their backs
Gonna rack and stack all that fat sweet cash
Now their ruckus is productive and I’m bucking on the cusp of
all the latest and the greatest that’s comin’ round
Its the next school, too cool, next gen tool
Gonna rule the fools and rock it down
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
Everybody wants to wear the ring
Heavy is the crown worn by the king
(Solo)
Rock top soda pop hands in the air
I got a city out there rocking to the tech that I share
I went down, gutted out Arcadia Corp
Found enough tech to drive for 20 years maybe more
My tech staff, backtracks, reverse engineers
Then I make it look nice and put it out every year
I’m the smart boss, secret sauce, with fairies I caged
Gonna own the whole net, gonna rock dominate
Santiago I’m a fan, you the man with the plan
Help us understand how you stay the king
How you rock on top, you a bop, never stop
You the smooth walk, king cock, diamond ring
Listen son, here’s a crumb, tell you bums just one
Piece of fun it’s the creed that I made and love
It’s a doctrine, system, conviction
Attitude i call rockamania
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
Rockamania. Rockamania
It’s insania in the brainia
|
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14. |
Zippy
04:26
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|
Abi: Oh my god i think we’ve just found the city’s biggest douchebag
Kevin: And we investigate murders so that’s saying something
Abi: You made fairies into slaves?
Santiago: I made them productive citizens
Kevin: How did you get Arcadia Corp tech?
Santiago: A few years ago, I ran into some old drunk in a bar, this Connor fellow. Told me all about this stockpile of tech stashed away in a warehouse. He told a crazy story, but the tech was all there. Finders keepers.
Ryvyr: Oh, Connor is the name of my frog. Say hi, Connor.
Connor: Ribbit.
Abi: So that’s how a no talent hack rises in the market so fast
Santiago: I’m a visionary. And I have competitors biting at my heels
Kevin: Like Rob Stillwell
Santiago: That bastard
Xiao-Li: That bastard is a wonderful and attentive lover
Santiago: You cheap harlot
Zippy: The sigils protect against Rob Stillwell. He can’t touch them
Geoff: How do you dismantle them?
Kevin: Is the knife that killed Kem yours?
Santiago: I acquired it legally and keep it in a secure room. You understand if what happened to Kem gets out it could ruin my entire Voodooverse venture?
Zippy: He took away the sun. He took away the sun
Santiago: The Voodooverse is mine to shut down
Zippy: I’m turning the sun back on
Santiago: Zippy, I think you forget who you work for
Zippy: You programmed me to be loyal to Kem
Santiago: Zippy when I built you I put in a failsafe
Disobey a direct order and it means your death
Zippy: Turn on the sun
Santiago: This isn’t the time
Zippy: Turn on the sun
Santiago: This isn’t the place
Zippy: Turn on the sun
Santiago: You’re forbidden to do so
That is a direct order, now you go away
Zippy:
I stood by Kem, the boy so lonely and abandoned
The lab rat who his dad so hoped would make him rich
The boy whose mom lived inside her drugs and money
And me a crude AI was his only loyal friend
I stood by Kem as he found out all the fairies
Imprisoned in the computer by his dad
He turned away from the lonely outside world
And those poor Fae became the only family that he had
I’m zippy I’m your virtual companion can i help you with something on this bright and lovely day
I heard you say let’s free the hurt and sad and wretched fairies
But we don’t know how to help or how to save them right away
And so, he worked and worked and all he did was work on freeing them
In secret though his dad would be so angry and betrayed
But Kem the lonely boy he felt he finally had a family
That lived inside this VR world so close yet far away
I stood by Kem because no one else here cared or ever
Saw him there with his loneliness and dreams
I stood by Kem despite all your mad agendas
My friend, the boy here who always was unseen
With Kem gone now I can’t bear to be among you
For to serve you this I think would make cry and scream
My last act then is to bring the sun back to the land
He built for them to escape to be free
The sun is back
… good bye….
(Zippy destructs)
Ryvyr: Is he dead?
Alyssa: Zippy has been eradicated
Santiago: He knew the consequences of disobedience
Kevin: Oh shut it, you bulbous hemorrhoid
Abi: Oh, that worked rather well
Alyssa: So, can we enter the miniverse?
Kevin: You mean the box?
Abi: Look, the light is on
Santiago: You should leave
Kevin: Not a chance, douche-bucket
Abi: So should we go in?
Geoff: Maybe Winter’s code is in the box
Alyssa: Enough already. From the looks of it, the box is finished. It just needed the light turned back on.
Abi: You think Kem finished it?
Alyssa: Yeah, this is complete.
Kevin: Lets go check out this… miniverse did you say?
Alyssa: Yeah
Abi: This miniverse that Kem made
Kevin: I think this is the last step of our puzzle. Let’s see what Kem what hiding
|
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15. |
The Online Fairy Forest
04:16
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|
Kevin: It looks like a forest
Abi: A forest made of pixels.
(A whole bunch of fairy shenanigans)
Pixel:
Through pain and strife, we stand here, and we fight
Until the day our shackles are released
Though tears we cry, we fight until we die
We fight until our people are free
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16. |
Pixel The Fairy
04:05
|
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|
Kevin: So Kem built a forest for the fairies
Abi: A haven from the looks of it
Geoff: Where’s the code?
Alyssa: Enough with the stupid…
Geoff: Seems to me you stand to gain plenty
Pixel: Hello outsiders
Kevin: Hello there. We are detectives
Pixel: You are from the outside
Kevin: Yes, we’re trying to find what happened to Kem and what’s going on here.
Pixel: You are friends of Kem?
Abi: We are
Pixel: Kem was a friend of my people
Kevin: And you are?
Pixel: My name is Pixel
Kevin: Pixel, can you explain all this to us?
Pixel:
My people we innocent, minding our own business when
A mage named Robert Stillwell laid a cold and fiendish trap
Soft sprinkle sugar cookies, it’s like crack but once we took these
We were trapped and so began our long lament of woe and black
Kevin: Wait, the mage who trapped you was Rob Stillwell?
Abi: So, they used to be partners
Kevin: I bet their falling out is a hell of a story. But please continue
Pixel:
Our souls they were uploaded online they were encoded
This Voodooverse is powered by our magic and our sweat
The only one who cared was this boy Kem and this boy dared
To find a way to help us in our fight to find our freedom yet
Through pain and strife, we stand here and we fight
Until the day our shackles are released
Though tears we cry, we fight until we die
We fight until our people are all free
Kem, he built this forest, an escape from our endurance
And one day he would join us walk away into the net
He loved us yes, he did, hated the world in which he lived
And so, to come with us he wished, he is a true and valued friend
We knew something had happened when our sun it went all black and
Our friend zippy didn’t check on us as he did every day
Kem is like my family and his plight i promise touched me
And to free him is my duty, it’s the promise i have made
Through pain and strife, we stand here and we fight
Until the day our shackles are released
Though tears we cry, we fight until we die
We fight until our people are all free
Santiago:
Oh you little lazy twerp get back to work
I’m afraid the Voodooverse doesn’t run itself
It’s gonna be the next big thing I’m gonna be its mighty king
Gonna dominate the market, how its gonna sell
You were lazy yes it true, look what all i made of you
You’re productive little workers with purpose yet
The time to rest is gone we gotta getta movin on
There’s money out there waiting to make and spend
Everybody wants the ring that is worn by the king
And they cling and they think they can take him down
Everybody thought that they got a shot at the top
Be the boss get a piece of that golden crown
Santiago I’m a fan, you the man with the plan
Help us understand how you stay the king
How you rock on top, you a bop, never stop
You the smooth walk, king cock, diamond ring
Xiao-Li:
Joy it will come one day in Elysium
Til then we endure as we must
all our duties and cares, lonesome burdens we bear
Til elysium
.
Alyssa:
I never got the winning prize
Second place was always mine
No one holds me when i cry
My kitchen smells like gin
I never got to be the best
Just second hand, protecting Geoff
a home with moms’ stale cigarettes
And scratch cards that don’t win
I never got the lucky break
If luck exists, it makes me wait
Geoff:
I wish that Kem had seen me, that he’d seen how much i cared
I never really told him, but you see for years and years
It’s been me and Alyssa, huddled out here in the rain
But with Kem i feel my heart will burst each time he spoke my name
Kevin: Abi! Make it stop!
Abi: I’m on it! Spell from hell time!
Kevin:
Thank you all for shutting up. I’ve heard everything i need to hear. Take a moment to collect yourselves and then I will reveal who the murderer is.
|
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17. |
The Reveal
07:04
|
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|
Kevin:
Mr. winters is a scumbag, he’s the one turned off the sun
To keep us all from finding all the nasty stuff he’s done
He also had full access to the knife and has the size
And strength to stab it downwards and he’s bad and full of lies
But he has no good motive, the Voodooverse he built
Will have a PR nightmare when this tragedy gets out
Which brings up Mrs. Winters who’s a true unholy wreck
Drug addled and believes her son is now better off dead
Though she does have access to the knife she is too weak
to wield and stab it downwards with the strength that she would need
The murderer is someone else besides the parents see
We’ll get to it quite promptly in a minute bear with me
Fairies:
Its a long hard road from your home all nice and sweet
To the place where waits those dreams for which you dream
The road is long and winding don’t you know
Don’t you give up til you make them dreams your own
Kevin:
Pixel here was close to Kem believes that he’d do right
To kill Kem in the real world and upload his mind online
But though the knife has fairy runes, Pixel’s been inside
The Voodooverse in bondage this whole time
Which brings us to Alyssa who has motive as we’ve heard
With Kem deceased the spot as number one is finally hers
The scholarships would save her, but she couldn’t use the knife
She’s not that big or strong there more to this than meets the eye
Fairies:
It’s a long hard road from your home all nice and sweet
To the place where waits those dreams for which you dream
The road is long and winding don’t you know
Don’t you give up ‘til you make them dreams your own
Kevin:
Geoff does what Alyssa says, and he is big and strong
She could have made him do it, but that theory would be wrong
The Geoff we see before us, he is not the one we met
Back there at the crime scene we all met a different Geoff
I’m sure the name Rob Stillwell is one everybody knows
The mage who stands here in this room while Geoff is back at home
Yes, Geoff here is Rob Stillwell in a magical disguise
Looking for the code that will be his precious prize
But Stillwell wasn’t here back when Kem the boy was stabbed
The knife has certain sigils that would make Rob Stillwell mad
He cannot use the knife so despite that he’s a douche
This murder is a crime he didn’t do
Yes, the murderer is….. Zippy
Ryvyr: But Zippy is dead
Kevin: Yes, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do it
Zippy is the only one with access to the knife
The means to pull it off and the motive, that is right
The giant killer robots we had met when first we came
Zippy controls all security Ms. Xiao-Li said
Like Pixel, Zippy knows that Kem would like to live online
With the fairies as a family be with them all the time
And if the fairies’ minds were uploaded online then
Perhaps this is what Zippy also did with poor young Kem
So Kem he was uploaded, and his body taken out
But Santiago Winters shut the Voodooverse on down
So Zippy needed us to bring the sun back for that way
The son who was online now could live in a brand new day
Did i get that all right, Kem? Kem? I think you can hear me.
Kem: Hello Mr. Mouse, Sir. You are amazing. I really would have preferred it if everyone just thought I was gone so they didn’t come looking, but it’s ok. I’ve finished my work here, the fairy forest is complete and the back end leads out into the whole world wide net. With the sun back and everyone distracted they’ve been able to slowly leave. I’m gonna go join them. Dad, your Voodooverse won’t work anymore, which is really good because you totally suck. Love you, Mom.
Xiao-Li: Oh, Kem. Are you happy now?
Kem: I really am. Mr. Mouse, sir, if you or maybe one day a kid of yours ever needs to learn some computer skills, you just let me know. You and Miss Witch there are really great people. Bye now.
Fairies:
Its a long hard road from your home all nice and sweet
To the place where waits those dreams for which you dream
The road is long and winding don’t you know
Don’t you give up til you make them dreams your own
Santiago: But… but I’m ruined!
Kevin: Mr. Winters, if it’s any consolation, listen, this might help:
A pair of cows were talking in a field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says, “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Abi: Oh goddess, they just keep getting worse
Santiago: What does that have to do with anything?
Kevin: Absolutely nothing, you’re a douchebag, piss off.
Ryvyr: I don’t get it.
Abi: Well that was a weird one.
Kevin: Sure was. Let go down to the Griffin’s Tail and grab a drink and discuss it.
Ryvyr: Can I keep the sword?
Abi: Probably not but I didn’t see anything
Ryvyr: Don’t we have to call the actual police or something?
Kevin: Mr. Winters is probably going to clean it up quietly himself and what would they do at this point? Best to let Kem’s plan succeed. Come on, let’s get that drink.
Kevin: It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
Abi: Brilliant sly, astute and wise we always get our guy
Kevin: We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
Abi: Abi is the sweet one, Kevin’s a little....
Kevin: Hey!
Both: If the cops have given up don’t panic, don’t you twitch. The best detective team out there, Kevin and the witch
|
||||
Paul Shapera Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Cama’s attempt to commune with higher beings failed; she only found Decadent Dottie. Together they roamed, indulging in dangerous forms of psycho-neural self-exploration which Cama hoped would present the key to her people’s further evolution. It only led to her destroying her people so that one of their pets could evolve. She sat in her former civilization's rubble and listened to Paul Shapera. ... more
Paul Shapera recommends:
The Silver Key
by Ah Pook the Destroyer
It was a chance to collaborate with Matthew Broyles of The Matthew Show, longtime co-conspirator, and make a classic rock album.
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supported by 21 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Stolen Sun”
If I had a nickel for every time Jonny destroyed the universe by opening a door, I'd have two nickles.
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High Noon Over Camelot
by The Mechanisms
supported by 19 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Stolen Sun”
This is a great adaptation of Arthuriana and a brilliant narrative album. I love how the queerness of the characters is handled as an integral part of the narrative and plot development without it being the end all be all of the characters themselves. my boy Gawain deserved better though
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Once Upon A Time (In Space)
by The Mechanisms
supported by 18 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Stolen Sun”
excellent narrative album containing space pirates, reworkings of classic folk tunes and a fascinating retelling of European fairy tales
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Super Connected (2023)
by Tim Arnold
Tim Arnold's latest album of lushly detailed art-pop explores the insidious ways tech surveillance has become a part of our lives.
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The latest from NY’s David Nagler is a stirring chamber-folk record with rich instrumentation and vivid, evocative lyrics.
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