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lyrics

Abi: What about Mafia Dad 2? That was a good sequel?

Kevin: Sure, once in a blue moon they don’t screw it up, but it doesn’t change the fact that most sequels are terrible and a bad idea.

Ryvyr: Sharkgirl and Lavaboy 2 was really good.

Kevin: I thought you said it didn’t have enough violence?

Ryvyr: All the good G movies never have enough violence

Abi: They’re for kids

Ryvyr: How are the kids going to learn to defend their tribe?

Abi: You’re the cutest little homicidal goblin i know

Ryvyr: Love you too, babe (kissy noises)

Abi: Have you thought about your catch phrase

Ryvyr: Shouldn’t we focus on this new murder we driving to?

Abi: We’ll figure it out when we get there

Kevin: Not much further now. I not sure we both need a catch phrase, but if i had one it could be
“You didnt think about that, did you, you bulbous hemorrhoid?”

Abi: as a catchphrase?

Ryvyr: What’s a hemorrhoid?

Abi: No. We are a primetime show. You cannot say hemorrhoid every episode.

Kevin: But you say word hell?

Abi: Spell from hell time!

Kevin: How is hell better than hemorrhoid?

Abi: It just is. No one wants to hear about…

Ryvyr: So do you sing your theme song every episode?

Kevin: Well, if we’re a movie, we do a new, more hip theme song. Like:

Its Kevin and Abi back on the case
Come inspectin’ and dectectin’ till the culprit’s aced
If the bodies are a pilin and you don’t know which is which
Come a solvin’ and revolving with Kevin and the witch

Sherlock and Poirot, Father Brown and Sam Spade
All step back and raise a glass when the mouse is on the case
Cause its find the guilty time and make that killer their bitch
another crime unwinds with Kevin and the Witch

Chorus:
Kevin and the witch

Abi: No nonono no Absolutely not. We are a murder of the week, hit prime time show. Same song every time. It’s comforting. Here, Like this:

Abi: If murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeballs twitch
Kevin: Don’t you moan, pick up the phone call Kevin and witch
Abi: We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
Kevin: Kevin is the sweet one and Abi’s a raging b...
Abi: Don’t you dare say it
Kevin & Abi:
If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
We’re the friends at your wits end, Kevin and the witch

Kevin: It is a classic

Ryvyr: I liked the terrible rapping

Kevin: What if i wore a backwards baseball hat and chain and spit the ver..

Abi: What if we didn’t do a sleazy, corporate, culturally appropriating cash grab


...
Kevin: It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
Abi: Brilliant sly, astute and wise we always get our guy
Kevin: Abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind
Abi: Kevin has a brilliant mind nothing escapes his eye
Kevin & Abi:
If the cops have given up, don’t panic don’t you twitch
The best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch


Ryvyr: We should do a blood scream at the end

Kevin: A blood scream?

Ryvyr: You know, like… “the mouse and yes the witch” (scream)

Kevin: Oddly it works better than you’d first think. So a pair of cows were talking in a…

Abi: Stop right there. No. Aren’t we here?

Kevin: Oh, we’ve arrived.

Ryvyr: Oh, this place is fancy

Abi: This is the home of Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises

Ryvyr: Santiago Winters, CEO of VV Enterprises?

Abi: Say it once more for the viewers at home

Ryvyr: The rich and powerful Santiago Winter, CEO of VV Enterprises

Abi: Did Mr. Winters actually call us?

Kevin: No. It might have been his wife, although the voice was very computer

Abi: So do we just knock on the front door?

Kevin: This door is enormous

Ryvyr: You know, i keep a mace with me for just such occasions

Kevin: You can’t possibly mean mace as in…

(THUNK)

Abi: That’s a big dent you put in their door

credits

from Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Stolen Sun, released December 20, 2022

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Paul Shapera Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Cama’s attempt to commune with higher beings failed; she only found Decadent Dottie. Together they roamed, indulging in dangerous forms of psycho-neural self-exploration which Cama hoped would present the key to her people’s further evolution. It only led to her destroying her people so that one of their pets could evolve. She sat in her former civilization's rubble and listened to Paul Shapera. ... more

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