We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
/

lyrics

K: ok everyone, stay where you are, we’re here to...
A: wait, please, can i ?
K: can you what?
A: Do the entrance. I’ve always wanted to do this
K: ok, sure
A: (sung) On the day we come it ove...
K: WOAH! Nonononono! You cant so that! We’re not the cops. Thats their thing
A: oh, but it feels so good
K: nononononono. Ok, look everyone, we’re licensed detectives. Everybody remain calm and let us do our job here. Can someone tell me whats going on?

Chorus:
There's murder at the grand ball
there's blood upon the dance hall
assassins at the pageant
doing deeds you cant imagine

There's crime inside the dance floor
an ending never asked for
there's a killer here among us
and they hunt tonight upon us

K: Ok, thank you for answering my question, i’d like to see you three over here. You are Sorandra Osborn...
Sorandra: That is Lady Sorandra Osborn to you
K: whatever. And you are Temna Warner?
Temna: Temna is fine, becuase im not a stuck up cow
S: who are calling a stuck up cow
T: Mooooooooo
S: you low class tartwobble!
A: Bitches, please
K: thanks. And you sir are Elliot...
E: Elliot Marsh. Im sorandra’s boyfriend, i was...
T: Thats what she thinks
S: im sorry, is this slut speaking hour?
T: Moooooooooo
A: cut the crap out or i will turn you both into butt pollops. Go ahead Kev
K: ugh, this is gonna one of these. Ok, Sorandra, you first. Tell me what happened.

Sorandra:
Look around, all the pagentry you see
Was funded by my family, was paid for by me
I’m generous and kind, this event was organized
To celebrate the launch of a new monorail line

Elliot can prove im not stuck up for you see
He’s my big blue collar boy toy and he’s here to serve drinks
despite our family history, despite that she’s a tart
I let temna come through the goodness of my heart

But Kyla’s who’s my cook well im afraid has dropped dead
poison they are saying, someone murdered my chef
And Eliot is innocent but he was the last
To serve the drink that Kyla drank, that poisoned glass

Poor Kyla has a daughter and no husband and so
Her daughter named rebecca is now sadly all alone
Although i’ve caught Kyla looking at my pendant like
She was thinking she could steal it but she cant because its mine
.....

K: ok, thank you sorandra. That was very helpful
A: jinkies!
K: wha... did you just say jinkies?
A: yeah, im thinking that could be my catchphrase. Jinkies!
K: No. that should very not be your catchphrase
A: i could just say it anyway
K: so the guy says doc, one day i feel like a wigwam, the next i feel...
A: ok! Ok! I give. Who’s next
K: Temna, please tell us whats happening here

Temna:
Sorandra likes to brag that she’s good with all the boys
But the fat cow doesnt know that i seduced her boy toy
Elliot he visits me on thursdays its true
Its payback for in high school when she stole my boy, Drew

Our familes been fighting for generations now
And she really threw this party just to gloat and strut about
This pedant of Kultainen that her mother stole from mine
Its a relic made by goblins that we had a long time

Poor Elliot is innocent id swear it on my life
But he held the glass last before Kyla died
If you look theres something red right there upon his shirt
Is that blood? I never thought Sorandra’s parties could get worse

....

K: thank you Temna. Sorandra we’re going to need to see this pendant of Kultainen
A: that sounds goblinish
R: they shouldnt have that, that belongs to my people
S: you better make sure the slut doesnt steal it
T: oh you’re one to talk about stealing
S: your slut of a mother started it
T: your herpes infested grandmother...
K: cut it out. Be quiet while i speak to... Elliot?

Elliot:
I sell insurance, please to meet you, Elliot’s my name
If you need expanded coverage i can get the best rates
Yes i date Sorandra, she’s been good to me i think
And Temna did seduce me, just around i think last spring

Sorandra offered money to serve drinks at her affair
The insurance game is tough so i take odd jobs here and there
Sorandra gave to me a drink to give to Temna see
but this red stain is tomato sauce, some fool bumped into me

I set it in the kitchen and then went to wash it off
and then Kyla went and drank it while stirring up a sauce
It goes to show you never know if this is your last day
so be sure that your insurance is paid up and up to date

credits

from Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Golden Pendant, released February 23, 2021

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Paul Shapera image

Paul Shapera Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Cama’s attempt to commune with higher beings failed; she only found Decadent Dottie. Together they roamed, indulging in dangerous forms of psycho-neural self-exploration which Cama hoped would present the key to her people’s further evolution. It only led to her destroying her people so that one of their pets could evolve. She sat in her former civilization's rubble and listened to Paul Shapera. ... more

contact / help

Contact Paul Shapera

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

Paul Shapera recommends:

If you like Paul Shapera, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Featured guests are the golden-voiced Baby Rose and psyche soulsters Brainstory.
listen now