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lyrics

Helen:
Tales to be told come this week to unfold
on our blind and brooding stage
The good and the bad and the sane and the mad
in their endless blood ballet

The wild, deranged comes to rattle its cage
we must keep it quiet and tamed
A dance and a song let the mind start to calm
with a touch of peril to grip and hold you
on the edge as events unfold so

Tears sometimes start when one bears you their heart
alone upon the stage
Sometimes the lie tells more truth than you might
have seen in light of day

Our villain Han-Mi needs a scheme for this week
that could bring this town to fall
Here she comes now to confide to us all
of her newest plan of avarice thereof
finally this week break the sheriff

...

Whats the scheme this week that Han-Mi's plotting?
There's a train at 1 pm and its this that she’ll be robbing
The money for the orphanage is what the train has got and
you know she's gonna take it all toda…

Han-Mi:
No, no, no. I'm not. That is stupid.

Helen:
Yes she is cause she knows it’s this week’s plot and…

Han-Mi:
This week’s plot is dumb so a no a she’s a not a

Helen:
It’s what the writer wrote

Han-Mi:
But the writer is a moron. I came up with a better plot myself

Helen:
Really?

Han-Mi:
Come on, just try it. I swear, it’s like a million times better

Helen:
(sighs). All right.

So last week, our dear sheriff had been caught and
he was tied up in Han-Mi's dark bedroom for a spot then

Han-Mi:
Oo, I wish…
Right, so he escapes but his shirt is torn right off , so then...

Helen:
Why does he have to be running around without a shirt?

Han-Mi:
Really, Helen?

Helen:
Oh my god, you little horn dog!

Han-Mi:
Just trust me, its totally integral to the plot. Uh, guys? guys?

Can we maybe switch to something softly menacing in F sharp minor? Thank you!

....

If i made, a plan today
something strange
something sinister, a worthy game, i'd
take the vaccines they made
for the babies and id change them so that when the babies take them
they, they would change, to zombie babes,
and all who watched would gape and pray and and while they're

poised on the edge of their seats so
id watch him be the gorgeous hero

If i made, a plan today
something strange,
the best plot of this cabaret then i would take
those zombie babes, and with arcane
techniques then i would make then fly and crave to eat your
face, and on that day the sky would rain
with hungry little zombie babes who'd scream and chase
and eat your face and folks will swipe the air with bats and clubs to
chase away the screeching flying bleeding
face eating undead babes
feeding on your heads as people strike them with their bats and crying why
screaming little bodies swooping from the sky
and everyone would scream and cry and while

the chaos reins unleashed about so
i’d watch him be the perfect hero


Helen:
Jesus Christ, Han, what the hell was that?

Han-Mi:
I know, it's awesome, right? Omg i'm so proud of it. I totally thought it up myself and it's like the best evil plan ever. That'll keep em glued to the seats...

Helen:
Okay okay… just... ladies and gentlemen, Han-Mi and her evil plot.
All right folks, next up, the sheriff!

credits

from Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret, The Ballad of Lost Hollow Act 1, released December 6, 2016
Featuring Lauren Osborn and Psyche Chimere

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Paul Shapera Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Cama’s attempt to commune with higher beings failed; she only found Decadent Dottie. Together they roamed, indulging in dangerous forms of psycho-neural self-exploration which Cama hoped would present the key to her people’s further evolution. It only led to her destroying her people so that one of their pets could evolve. She sat in her former civilization's rubble and listened to Paul Shapera. ... more

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