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1. |
Theme Song
05:41
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Abi: We should totally have a theme song
Kevin: Why would we have a theme song?
A: all the detective teams on TV have theme songs and catchy names. We could be Abi & The Mouse
K: Woah! I dont think so. We should be Kevin & The Witch
A: thats not bad. Abi & The Mouse is cooler though...
K: i think Kevin & The Witch is way cooler...
A: But first we need a super fun theme song, something like...
If something dark, nefarious comes creeping round your house
Crimes you cant unwind then just call abi and the mouse
If the cops are lost and you are at your wits last end
We’ll solve it all just give a call when you’re all out of friends
When something sinister it slithers round your part of town
Murder foul dont howl just call us abi and the mouse
K: Oh thats nice but the lyrics need a little touch up
A: yeah, they could use a rewrite. What were you thinking?
K: Oh, something like this:
If murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeballs twitch
Dont you moan, pick up the phone call kevin and the witch
We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
Kevin is the sweet one and abi’s kind of a b... (dont you dare say it)
If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
We’re the friends at your wits end, kevin and the witch
A: i dont even know where to start with everything that was wrong with that
K: genius knows no boundaries
A: if i randomly pointed to words in a dictionary it would be more...
K: seriously though, i love this, but our theme song should be less saturday morning cartoon and more mysterious. Something like this: 1,2,3
...
Abi:
It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
Kevin:
Brilliant sly, astute and wise we always get our guy
Abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind
Abi:
Kevin has a brilliant mind nothing escapes his eye
Abi & Kevin:
If the cops have given up, dont panic dont you twitch
The best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch
A: that probably needs a few rewrites
K: wow, song lyrics are harder than i thought
A: maybe we should hire that poet at The Griffin’s Tail
K: He just write depressing stuff about the meaninglessness of existence
A: yeah but he can rhyme
K: sure if you needs thing that rhyme with abyss and pain
A: i need a catchphrase
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2. |
Trouble Begins
02:45
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Michael:
In the city of new albion, you know this bit by now
Theres a pair of friends named abi, who’s a witch and kevin the mouse
Agatha and sam were their grandparents but dont pay
No mind to that, it’s late atompunk era we’re in today
They’re currently in kevin’s cab, he drives it in the skull
Of a robot in the front seat, once again, nothing you need to know
They’re in the city center near a gala thats being held
And its here our story starts as they’re just cruising around
K: i got a new joke
A: oh dear goddess no
K: no, this one’s really good
A: its not. They never are. What if my catchphrase is...
K: so a guy walks into a doctors office
A: please stop
K: and he says doc, you gotta help me
A: i will literally pay you to stop right now
K: i wake up one morning and it think...
Scream
K: woah
A: what was that
K: was that a scream?
A: that was a scream, omg look, is that a goblin?
Ryvyr:
please excuse me sirs, i need your help
You are abi and kevin the mouse
at the Furry Tail, we drank one day
My name’s Ryvyr and i have a case
Theres a gala at the ballroom there
For a new line in the monorail
But a murder has just now occurred
There is someone dead, you must hurry sirs
A: oh no!
K: yay, a murder! I love a good murder mystery
A: here climb in my shirt pocket
Ryvyr: come on, its this club over here
Michael:
Ryvyr is a goblin, we met her once before
And across this street’s this club and they walk inside the door
Its all decked out, some big rich fancy party’s being held
The upper class is dressed up, letting loose and getting down
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3. |
Upper Class Party
08:33
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Choir:
Gaze cinder girl, look through the window to this world
the promenade that glitters so divine
oh come the music plays and it will sweep your self away
the waltz in which you lose yourself in time
Gaze cinder girl, at this strange and lovely world
the neon ballroom shimmers and it shines
oh come the dance begins and you will not go home again
the waltz in which you lose yourself in time
Gaze cinder girl, look through the window to this world
the promenade that glitters so divine
oh come the music plays and it will sweep your heart away
the waltz in which you lose yourself in time
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4. |
The First Crime Scene
05:12
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K: ok everyone, stay where you are, we’re here to...
A: wait, please, can i ?
K: can you what?
A: Do the entrance. I’ve always wanted to do this
K: ok, sure
A: (sung) On the day we come it ove...
K: WOAH! Nonononono! You cant so that! We’re not the cops. Thats their thing
A: oh, but it feels so good
K: nononononono. Ok, look everyone, we’re licensed detectives. Everybody remain calm and let us do our job here. Can someone tell me whats going on?
Chorus:
There's murder at the grand ball
there's blood upon the dance hall
assassins at the pageant
doing deeds you cant imagine
There's crime inside the dance floor
an ending never asked for
there's a killer here among us
and they hunt tonight upon us
K: Ok, thank you for answering my question, i’d like to see you three over here. You are Sorandra Osborn...
Sorandra: That is Lady Sorandra Osborn to you
K: whatever. And you are Temna Warner?
Temna: Temna is fine, becuase im not a stuck up cow
S: who are calling a stuck up cow
T: Mooooooooo
S: you low class tartwobble!
A: Bitches, please
K: thanks. And you sir are Elliot...
E: Elliot Marsh. Im sorandra’s boyfriend, i was...
T: Thats what she thinks
S: im sorry, is this slut speaking hour?
T: Moooooooooo
A: cut the crap out or i will turn you both into butt pollops. Go ahead Kev
K: ugh, this is gonna one of these. Ok, Sorandra, you first. Tell me what happened.
Sorandra:
Look around, all the pagentry you see
Was funded by my family, was paid for by me
I’m generous and kind, this event was organized
To celebrate the launch of a new monorail line
Elliot can prove im not stuck up for you see
He’s my big blue collar boy toy and he’s here to serve drinks
despite our family history, despite that she’s a tart
I let temna come through the goodness of my heart
But Kyla’s who’s my cook well im afraid has dropped dead
poison they are saying, someone murdered my chef
And Eliot is innocent but he was the last
To serve the drink that Kyla drank, that poisoned glass
Poor Kyla has a daughter and no husband and so
Her daughter named rebecca is now sadly all alone
Although i’ve caught Kyla looking at my pendant like
She was thinking she could steal it but she cant because its mine
.....
K: ok, thank you sorandra. That was very helpful
A: jinkies!
K: wha... did you just say jinkies?
A: yeah, im thinking that could be my catchphrase. Jinkies!
K: No. that should very not be your catchphrase
A: i could just say it anyway
K: so the guy says doc, one day i feel like a wigwam, the next i feel...
A: ok! Ok! I give. Who’s next
K: Temna, please tell us whats happening here
Temna:
Sorandra likes to brag that she’s good with all the boys
But the fat cow doesnt know that i seduced her boy toy
Elliot he visits me on thursdays its true
Its payback for in high school when she stole my boy, Drew
Our familes been fighting for generations now
And she really threw this party just to gloat and strut about
This pedant of Kultainen that her mother stole from mine
Its a relic made by goblins that we had a long time
Poor Elliot is innocent id swear it on my life
But he held the glass last before Kyla died
If you look theres something red right there upon his shirt
Is that blood? I never thought Sorandra’s parties could get worse
....
K: thank you Temna. Sorandra we’re going to need to see this pendant of Kultainen
A: that sounds goblinish
R: they shouldnt have that, that belongs to my people
S: you better make sure the slut doesnt steal it
T: oh you’re one to talk about stealing
S: your slut of a mother started it
T: your herpes infested grandmother...
K: cut it out. Be quiet while i speak to... Elliot?
Elliot:
I sell insurance, please to meet you, Elliot’s my name
If you need expanded coverage i can get the best rates
Yes i date Sorandra, she’s been good to me i think
And Temna did seduce me, just around i think last spring
Sorandra offered money to serve drinks at her affair
The insurance game is tough so i take odd jobs here and there
Sorandra gave to me a drink to give to Temna see
but this red stain is tomato sauce, some fool bumped into me
I set it in the kitchen and then went to wash it off
and then Kyla went and drank it while stirring up a sauce
It goes to show you never know if this is your last day
so be sure that your insurance is paid up and up to date
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5. |
The Pendant Of Kultainen
04:48
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K: wow, you people are a mess. Ok, thank you, could all three of you please go over there for a bit?
A: so what does your gut tell you
K: that they’re all idiots. What about you.
A: well, i’m getting a really interesting read off this Kultainen pendant
K: Ryvyr, what can you tell us of this thing
R: they shouldnt have it
K: right got it. But what is it
R: oh, you know, i have the perfect story for just this occasion. storytime!
Ryvyr:
Storytime, (It’s storytime) all right yeah
Storytime, (It’s storytime) all night
Years ago a volcano spread a famine through our land
The goblin tribe, tried to survive, but there was little food at hand
Muck muck mash was all they had to eat but every day at dawn
A herd of poro ran right by but no one could wake up in time
A stimulant might do the trick to get the hunters on the feet
But goblins, sad to say, cannot score either meth or tea
¬ The pendant weaves these golden leaves
That we seep and use for tea
Like the peeka bees so happy we will be
Golden leaves will make our tea
The pendant weaves so carefully
And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be
¬¬¬
The shaman set upon a quest To the mountain of Sumu
And In its crags there lived a hag With magic gifts that they might use
The hag said if i give a gift, the pendant of Kultainan then
A quid pro quo, you must bestow, a favor in return you give
The Court of hags would meet at last and all a pedicure would love
So she agreed though their foul feet, were rancid, gnarled and macabre
I dont mean to make a scene about the court of hags foul feet
But they were really really im not trying to body shame but a little personal hygiene goes a long long way cause trust me their feet were really really gross and stinky
Though she puked a time or two, she triumphed, brought the pedant back
The goblins we, could make our tea, and hunt the poros meat at last
The pendant weaves these golden leaves
That we seep and use for tea
Like the peeka bees so happy we will be
Golden leaves will make our tea
The pendant weaves so carefully
And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be
K: so the pendant makes gold leaves?
R: that we use for tea.
A: you make tea from gold?
R: Its amazing
K: well something that manufactures gold is definitely... woah! What happened to the lights?
(music interlude)
K: Why did the lights go out?
R: Everyone’s gone!
K: oh no, they all fled. We’re gonna ha...
A: thats not the most interesting thing happening right now
K: its not
A: no, the appearance of a time door is
K: time door?
A: right there
K: i dont see anything
A: i promise you, theres a time door right over there
K: how is there a time door?
A: well, theres two likely explanations. It was opened by a person
K: right
A: or a thing.
K: a thing
A: like for instance the pendant
K: wait wait wait wait. How can a pendant open a time door
A: you’re assuming pendants dont possess consciousness
K: how can a pendant possess consciousness?
A: asks the talking mouse
K. Huh.
A: im picking up a call from the pendant from the doorway
K: it... wants us to... go through the door?
A: ka-zam
K: did you just say ka-zam?
A: yeah, im thinking it could be my new catchphrase
K: be your new catchphrase. Yeah, we’ll deal with that atrocity in a second. Do we..
R: it is imperative that we retrieve my peoples’ sacred relic
A: if the pendant is calling to us across time, we should follow
K: well, i’ve never seen a bad idea i didnt go rushing head long towards
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6. |
Time Door 1
07:12
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Abi:
Tears come in the autumn
As loss comes to your door
And breaks you, but what saves you
Are old friends once more
Abi & Kevin:
The child and the lovers
Fade on winter shore
And empty, is your heart yet
Old friends keep warm
Abi & Kevin:
Laying cross your lifetime
Holes across the floor
But i will, catch you always
Old friends keep warm
...
A: Where are we?
K: I think when are we is the question
A: Oh my goddess, this is New Albion, but... it looks exactly like it did when i was a little girl
R: Isn’t that the Balley?
A: Oh my goddess, Kevin! Looks who’s going inside!
K: Uh, weird people?
A: Those are Voodoopunks. I havent seen a voodoopunk since i was a little girl!
R: I have mixed thoughts about them
K: Wow, they really did dress like this
A: Yeah, it was an odd time for fashion
R: It was the best time for fashion
Scream
K: There we go
A: That came from The Balley
K: All right, let’s go to the Balley.
Michael:
So kevin, abi and ryvyr have all gone back in time
To somewheres abouts 20 years ago, when the voodoopunks were flyin’
There partying at the Balley, bout a week before they leave
And looks who’s stepped up to the mic, a 17 year old, name of Lee
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7. |
The Balley
06:49
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(Lots of dollays, more dollays, even more dollays, i mean, say what you want but these mf know how to party)
Lee:
When i get to paradise
When i finally walk through heaven’s door
When we’re finally free to be just you and me
Upon that blissful shore
When we get to paradise
When we finally dance through heavens gate
When the sins we might have made to get away
Are forgiven on that day
When we get to paradise and dry our eyes
From tears and pain and woe
When we walk that land my dad cant understand
The joy he’ll never know
When i get to paradise
When i get to paradise
On the day we flee
From this worlds grief
And touch that blissful shore
.....
When i get to paradise
When i leave this land of lies behind
When the child once inside i thought had died
On angel’s wings will fly
When we get to paradise
Dance with Adrian on heavens shore
And the world that tried so hard to rip us apart
Will hurt us never more
When we get to paradise, his mother’s eyes
Will finally smile that day
The world she said was full of sin, we’d just cry in
Will be so far away
When i get to paradise
When i get to paradise
To that ever more, through heavens door
That sweet and blissful shore
You’re all i want and you’re all i need
You’re all i hope and you’re all i dream
And i love you, love you, so far gone
I wish to wish of a wish you dreamed
Of a far away where we both can be
And i love you, love you, so far gone
You’re all i see and you’re all i save
And you’re all i need and you’re all i crave
And i love you, love you so far gone
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8. |
The Second Crime Scene
06:52
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K: Wow, this looks like it was one hell of a party
A: The voodoopunks were famous for their parties
K: Yeah, but look at these people, most of them are so drugged up i dont think there’s a coherent brain cell among them
A: The best parties are not known for their temperance
K: well, they’re all partying in heaven now. Or will be, it says on that banner that theyre leavin in a week
A: i dont know, my mom always laughed at the idea that they made it to elysium
K: well where’d they go then
A: will go, theyre all still right here at the moment
K: oh lord, time shenanigans
A: waka waka waka
K: NO. there is NO way you can possi...
A: I’m teasing you. No, im thinking about making it an actual phrase. Like, i gotta hex for your... necks? Pecks? Rex? Tex? Its a tough rhyme...
K: we should get on with it. Listen up everyone, licensed detectives here
A: soon to be licensed in like 20 years
K: hush. We’re going to need to conduct some interviews. Can someone tell me what happened here?
Choir:
Theres a murder at the party, there’s a couple of dead bodies
And they’re both just laying there upon the floor
Its a drag and its a cancer, and its bummin out the dancers
And we got to get the groove back here once more
K: Wow, you three again
T: im sorry, have we met?
A: Kev, look closely, she looks a lot like Temna but not quite. I think she’s a relative
K: what your name?
T: Terna
A: Based on the timeline this would be Temna’s mother
T: im sorry, how do you know my little girl?
S: i hope your girl doesnt grow up to have shaggy nipples like her mother
T: how’s that chlamydia coming along? Given it to half the party now i hear
K: Can you please just tell me what happened here?
Terna:
We’ve all come here to celebrate the voodoopunks for
In a week they’re gonna step right through Elysium’s door
My family is helping out to throw this little bash
Cause lord knows we have the money and we’re generous like that
We even let Sogandra in
Sogandra: The Balley's open to all!
Terna:
Well theres that but with her here of course it all has gone to hell
My mother came to Albion with nothing but you see
I’ve amassed a solid fortune
Sogandra: Cause you stole it all from me
Terna:
A couple here is dead, they’ve been poisoned we are sure
And they’ve left behind a son who wont have parents any more
Sogandra has a boyfriend who im sure was serving drinks
I had ordered one from him but they died before i drank
I wouldnt put it past soganda to do something foul
She’s jealous that i’ve gone and made something of myself
This father and this mother have both died from poisned drinks
The last one who had touched them was her boyfriend yes i think
K: so two victims this time. Did they drink from the same glass or have separate glasses?
A: they each have a own glass laying by them
K: so separate glasses. Interesting
A: at least it appears that way
K: and the last one to handle them was.. oh god, this Elliot guy again
A: kev, its his dad
K: right right. Ok, um, you are....
E: Ernie
K: ok Ernie, tell me what happened
Ernie:
My name is Ernie Marsh, i sell washing machines
They’re the best in all the city if you want your clothes clean
But sales it can be tough so to make some extra cash
I agreed to serve drink at this bash the Balley had
Soganda gave a champagne glass to give to Tarna but
I had others drinks upon my tray and was busy serving one
When the husband grabbed one of them, maybe two i dont know
I didnt think to keep track its a busy night you know
Soganda there and Terna hate each other, it goes back
To some fight their mothers had years ago while in the past
But if you need the best in new laundry technology
I’ve got deals so please dont hesitate to come round and see me
K: thank you Ernie
A: what does this have to do with the pendant
K: it has everything to do with the pendant. Soganda, is it?
S: thats Lady Soganda to you
K: of course it is. Did you give a glass of champagne to Ernie here to give to Terna? Why dont you tell us what happened
S: yes i gave a glass, i figured that i would be nice
But these accusations make me think im being framed but why
Ternas mom was jealous of my mother who got rich
Then moved here to new albion where i’ve always lived
And Terna, when she moved here was as poor as poor can be
But then suddenly her fortune turned, because she stole from me
Something that i’d rather not go into here and now
But now she’s nouveau rich and so tacky that cow
That poor boy who is orphaned has godparents i believe
They’re much richer than his voodoopunk mum and dad so see
He’ll be better off, but i assure whatever it might seem
I am innocent, Its Ernie who’s suspicious dont you think?
T: so you’re just going to set up your own boyfriend
S: friends with benefits. He’s too poor to be my boyfriend
E: But you said...
S: not now, dear
K: ok girls, let’s talk about the pendant of Kultainen
T: what?!?
S: how do you know about that?
T: you cant have it!
R: no YOU cant havenit
S: so you DO have it! You stole it from me!
T: Your snake of a mother was such a good for nothing ho that she had never better to do then betray her friends
S: your whore of a mother couldnt stand that my mother did better than her worthless ass ever could
K: wait, what the hell...
A: they started the music back up
K: its a freakin crime scene!
A: Kev, over here
K: all right, how do we fing those 3 again on this dance floor?
A: i think we dont. I say we follow the new time door that just appeared.
K: Another time door?
A: Yeah. Look, this obviously isnt where this began.
K: No, it seems to have begun with their parents. You think thats where the time door leads?
R: you’re gonna go nuts when you taste this tea, but we have to get the pendant back in order for me to.,,.
K: we’re working on it. Ok, fine, lead us to the time door. Lets get to the bottom of this mess.
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9. |
Time Door 2
04:42
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K: So this pendant makes these time doors
A: i dont know that for sure, but it calls through them
K: what do you mean calls?
R: I can hear it
K: you can?
R: Yes, i hear the pendant calling out to its lost goblin friends
Ryvyr:
Lost, over waves and twine, over worlds and pathways that wind
All alone, we’re lost in time
Lost, though its long i’ve roamed, or seen memories of my lost home
I can hear it calling so
Pendant:
Come to me, hear my song
Where have all my loved ones gone
Lost in worlds, i dont belong
Come to me please hear my song
Come to me, hear my song
Where have all my loved ones gone
Lost in worlds, i dont belong
Come to hear my warm, sweet song
Ryvyr:
Lost, in the world so long, without melody without a song
Wondering where my loved ones gone
Lost, in this world so long, wondering if i will ever belong
I can hear its warm, sweet song
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10. |
The Third Crime Scene
07:49
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K: woah, where are we?
A: i dont think this is New Albion
K: Its a small town. Maybe its early New Albion?
A: no, look at that sign. It says Dusty Falls
K: oh, thats some town way to the west, on the way to the mountains
A: when are we?
K: look at that old car. It looks like around the time of the war
R: there’s an outdoor market over there
K: lets go take a look
Pendant:
Come to me, hear my song
A: that pendant sure is determined
Scream
A: There we go
K: All right, lets get to the bottom of this
Choir:
Theres murder at the market, theres termites in the wood
Shenanigans have jumped right in and it aint lookin good
Theres hanky in the panky, there’s lowlifes here at hand
We’ll hang em before sunset if we can
K: And of course its you three. Can i get your names?
S: I’m solandra!
T: I’m Telna
S&T: and we’re super best friends!
S: i love you, girl
T: no girl, i love you
A: you’ve got to be kidding me
T: thats right. Solidarity sister
S: sisters before misters
K: your forever friendship warms my rodent heart. Ok, Telna, can you please tell me whats going on here
Telna:
Two strangers came to market from new albion we thought
They dressed all weird and had this strange ol pedant so we got
Up to talkin to them, their heading further west to get
Some message to the monastery i think they said
Telna Spoken: Someone named larry needed help
S: Lucas?
T: Louie?
S: no, someone named lloyd
T: oh yeah, some guy named lloyd needs help. Anyway
That pendant was real pretty and so telna and me
Decided we should offer them stranger special tea
A seceret ingredient we had to get from home
So solandra said now telna you should go
K: this secret ingredient wouldnt be poison would it
T: What? How could you?What a terrible thing to say
S: Heavens gracious! i am shocked and offended you would suggest such a thing
I ran home to get it, but when i got back here instead
The strangers they call voodoopunk were both laying here dead
The very pretty pendant is gone i have no clue
What happened there was nothing i could do
K: Abi, check her pockets
T: how dare you, you take your hands off me this instant!
A: well lookie here. Weasel root. A tasteless poison
T: but i wasnt here. They died while i was getting it
K: ok solandra. I cannot wait to hear your version of events
Solandra:
Telna hurried home so we could give our guests a treat
That pendant sure was beautiful but alas it sure beats me
What happened they just dropped dead, they didnt last real long
And now that pretty pendant is just gone
But how i heard it singing, it was calling out to me
It hypnotized, it captivized, like it was witching me
But how i wonder where its gone, im sure i dont recall
A shame about them strangers dead and all
T: but how could the pendant just disappear. You’d never take it without telling me, would you? I mean, we agreed...
S: ssh, quiet
K: why did the voodoopunks have the pendant in the first place
A: probably to drop off at the monastery in the mountains
K: All right, Elliot, get over here
E: uh, my name is Elias
K: whatever. Why dont you explain to us how much of a simp you are
Elias
My name’s Elias Marsh, i sell elixers for your health
If you’re feeling run down, you’re in luck, i have just the thing to help
Its true i date solandra she might be the love of my life
I sure do hope to someday make her my wife
Solandra she sent Talna home to get the poi... i mean, the you know, seceret thing
But it turned out she already had some in the purse she’s carrying
She made some tea and told me that i should give it to the guests
But they got real sick and well, you know the rest
Choir:
Theres murder at the market, theres termites in the wood
Shenanigans have jumped right in and it aint lookin good
Theres hanky in the panky, there’s lowlifes here at hand
We’ll hang em before sunset if we can
S: So he admits to serving them the tea!
T: wait, you already had the stuff in your purse?
R: where is my tribes’ pendant?
P: come to me, hear my song
S: it just disappeared. Oh, i think Elias took it
E: sugardumpling! How you say such a thing?
T: you lying bitch! You took the pendant! But we agreed to share it! You promised!
S: i know you slept with Elias!
T: one time! We were drunk!
E: Four actually. I made little notched on my headboard to commemorate
S: you slut!
T: you lying whore!
A: spell from hell time!
Crash
K: wow, thats a good spell.
A: theres really nothing to it, but it shuts them up.
K: you should use that as your catchphrase
A: what, spell from hell time?
K: yeah, thats not bad
A: but how often would i get to use it?
K: like, Once an episode
A: hmm, its a thought
K: ok. Is everyone still here? Ryvyr, what are doing?
R: Nothing... just looking for my pendant
K: just hang on. I believe i have the solution to this idiocy. If you’re all ready, i’ll explain it.
|
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11. |
The Reveal
03:08
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|
Choir:
we're gonna solve a little murder
we're gonna solve a little murder
we're gonna find us a culprit who
did the bad and sad it's true
the hangman gonna free their soul
they gonna swing from the gallows pole
we're gonna solve a little murder
we're gonna solve a little murder
K: wait, what?
Nononononononono! No ones swinging from a gallows pole, are you crazy?
Small town people are weird...
So, obviously Solandra and Telna and their daughters just keep trying to poison each other using Elliot here
E: my name is Elias
K: whatever, as their stooge. And they keep screwing it up and extraneous people die. It seems fairly obvious except for a few discrepancies which lead me to believe there’s more happening here than meets the eye. Which leads me to... Ryvyr!
R: who me?
K: have you ever... murdered anybody?
R: not.... recently?
K: how recent is not recently?
R: like, a year or two
A: You consider a year or two not recent?
R: You’d be surprised how many kusipaa are out there
A: I wouldnt, actually
K: Is the pendant opening time doors for you and have you used them?
R: No. i didnt think the pendant could open them, just call through them
A: is the pendant activating existing doors when it calls?
K: you mean doors already there? Possibly. Or, is the pendants itself, which clearly conscious, manipulating these girls into an insane murderous spiral which they then screw up with the help of Elliot...
E: my name is Elia...
K: shut up. All in an attempt to be reunited with Ryvyr?
R: my precious?
A: So the pendant is the culprit!
K: (speech grows in intensity) I’ve been thinking about it. Except, for one thing i’m not sure these women need any help being terrible, but more importantly it doesnt explain the two glasses at the Balley. Why two glasses if there’s only one target? Which led me to another, more intriuguing hypothesis:
What if the real targets are the people who are being poisoned all along and these idiots are just a cover? Which leads right us back to Elliot here.
E: My name is...
K: No, its not. You’re Elliot and have been Elliot the entire time. Your bumbling simpiness is just a cover for you to take out your intended targets! You’re not Elias. you’re not Erni. I dont even think you’re Elliot. Who are you? Who?!?
E: (shouting) My name...
... is Connor Morgan
|
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12. |
The Confession
05:14
|
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|
Connor:
Im not your world’s Connor Morgan. Im a Connor from another timeline. My boy Lee left with a small group of Voodoopunks to explore a little alternate dimension they discovered. Let me explain...
Choir:
Its a long hard road from your home so nice and sweet
To the place where waits them dreams for which you dreams
That road is long and winding dont you know
Dont you give up til you make them dreams your own
Connor:
In my world Arcadia Corp never figured out
How to travel to Elysium wherever thereabouts
They just discovered one other little world then you see
a small group left to go there, including my son Lee
I swore that i would change this, oh i tried to bring him back
But he died there so i thought i’d give this tech a couple hacks
And in another timeline, save that Lee, well if i can
And that is when the trouble all began
.....
In that second timeline i kept Lee from traveling
I killed that Connor but thats not a real important thing
If Lee does not go to that world then something bad unfurls
This entity, Cthulhu comes, destroys the whole damn world
Every timeline i keep lee from going there well then
Cthulhu just appears and everything thereafter ends
So then i searched for timelines where they might go elsewhere and
i found ones where Elysium becomes their promised land
In order for Elysium to be where they all go
Lloyd cannot be rescued so these VPs had to go
They cannot give a message to that monastery so
With the help of these two ladies i send them to their tombs
But these VPs have a daughter and that daughter has a son
If that son becomes an architect than my whole plan is done
But if that son is orphaned at the Balley then you see
He will then become an Alderman and this my friends is key
Choir:
Its a long hard road from your home so nice and sweet
To the place where waits them dreams for which you dreams
That road is long and winding dont you know
Dont you give up til you make them dreams your own
If the son becomes an Alderman a girl named Rachael will
End up in the asylum as i must make sure she will
Rachael talks another girl named Kyla, who you’ve met
Out of suicide, without Rachael she’ll be dead
Kyla she must live because a daughter she must have
Named Rebecca but Rebecca must live in this high rise flat
Kyla steals the pendant, takes Rebecca and then leaves
But if Rebecca leaves then she will never meet The Meme
The Meme must meet Rebecca or she doesnt stop the bugs
From feasting on Rebecca and then making her their lunch
This dialogue between The Meme and bugs is crucial for
I tell you in the future there will be a great big war
When Cascadia arrives to burn this whole fair city down
The bugs take out their nukes and this is crucial for or else
They nuke the city and they nuke this whole albino tribe
If the tribe is killed, if none of them are left to be alive
The reforming of the goddess is abandoned, this is true
And a god whose waiting for he he becomes enraged and so
He will come down here, destroy this whole entire narrative
Which cannot happen if i want my son named Lee to live
Choir:
Its a long hard road from your home so nice and sweet
To the place where waits them dreams for which you dreams
That road is long and winding dont you know
Dont you give up til you make them dreams your own
Theres a timeline, where Arcadia corp discovered how
To prolong life instead of traveling to anywhere else
I’ve taken this so i can live for centuries because
Its been through trial and error ive discovered how this works
Every timeline that ive tried has all ended destroyed
But this time i’ve finally gotten it, this time im sure it works
In reverse order, 3 stops and 4 murder then you see
I will kill this world’s connor and stop this worlds Lee
From going Then me and Lee will live our lives and rest
It must work for i think this timeline might be all thats left
Im pretty sure all others close enough have been destroyed
But i say that its all worth it to rescue my dear boy
Choir:
Its a long hard road from your home so nice and sweet
To the place where waits them dreams for which you dreams
That road is long and winding dont you know
Dont you give up til you make them dreams your own
|
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13. |
The End
07:02
|
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|
K: That is literally the most batshit thing i’ve ever heard in my life
A: how many timelines did you destroy?
K: He’s been at this for centuries. Plus, each time he does this he has to stay long enough to seduce Sorandra and Terna
A: Or make them think they’re seducing him
K: What do we do with him? With the tech he’s picked up he might be able to escape whatever jail we put him in.
C: you cannot stop me! I’ve done everything perfectly this time! All i have to do is open my last time door and go back to kidnap Lee. Lee! Lee! Im coming!
A: i have an idea. Spell from hell time!
*crack*
C: Ribbit. Ribbit.
K: you turned him into a frog. Nice.
A: do we undo what he did?
K: we cant. He’s already done everything in the future. We could wipe ourselves out of existance. We have to keep everything as is.
R: where is my pendant?
A: we cant take the pendant.
R: What? My precious!
K: we have to back to the future and take that pendant. This one has to stay here and go through the entire cycle.
A: to think, the thing that truly stopped him was a lonely pendant.
T: give me that pedant you theiving whore! Its mine!
S: It’s mine! Im leaving this crappy town and moving to the big city to start a new life. Im going to be rich! Rich!
A: so, we just leave them?
K: yeah, let it play out. We’ll go back to our time and retrieve the pendant from Sorandra.
R: shes not going to give it up
A: i dont intend to ask nicely.
R: can i please hear your joke?
A: no
K: so this guy says Doc, you gotta help me. Im a mess. I wake up one day, i think im a wigwam. But i wake up the next day, i think im a tee-pee. Im losing my mind here.
R: what does the doctor say?
A: do not encourage him
K: the doctor say, oh, your problem’s simple. You’re two tents.
A: im going to be physically ill.
R: what happens then?
K: nothing, thats the joke
R: how can he be two tents if he’s still a man?
A: yeah kevin? How?
K: lets go back to our time, get the pednant and get a drink at the Furry Tail and i’ll explain it.
R: can i keep the frog?
A: sure, why not.
Abi
It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
Kevin
Brillaint sly, astute and wise we always get our guy
We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
Abi
Abi is the sweet one, Kevin’s a little.... (Hey!)
Abi & Kevin
If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
We’re the friends at your wits end, kevin and the witch
Michael:
So theres your little story, nice and fun which y’all deserve
And with that its time for me to go, time to leave this world
Now dont get sad and huffy, i’ve lived longer than anyone has a right
And i’ve had a real good run of things, but all things have their time
So last toast, to happy stories and lost, remember friends
Every endings a beginning and every beginning has its end
Toast to me every now and dont waste time crying
Ending come for us one and all, in our time of dying
...
Han Mi: um, excuse me. Are you Michael?
M: thats a name i havent heard in awhile. Who wants to know?
H: my name is Han Mi. I’ve heard a lot about you and ive been really looking forward to meeting you.
M: i dont know how you heard about me, but now’s a real awkward time to make introductions.
H: Lloyd and Raven sent me to find you
M: honey, Lloyd’s dead and David’s been lost for so many years im not even sure he wants to be found
H: No, Lloyd was dead but.... um, he got better. And Raven was trapped but now he’s free and they’re together again.
M: you know, i swore i heard ol Lloyds voice during Nash...
H: they want to see you. And they need you.
M: listen sweetie, i... its tempting, but i dont know if i have it in me. Im ready to roll over and lay it do...
H: they found Jill.
M: Jill’s dead.
H: no. She’s trapped but she’s alive. Lloyds sure and he wants to rescue her. They need your help.
M: Jill’s alive? ... jill’s....
(just fucking loses it)
Well hell, you should’ve led with that. All right, i’m in.
|
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Paul Shapera Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Cama’s attempt to commune with higher beings failed; she only found Decadent Dottie. Together they roamed, indulging in dangerous forms of psycho-neural self-exploration which Cama hoped would present the key to her people’s further evolution. It only led to her destroying her people so that one of their pets could evolve. She sat in her former civilization's rubble and listened to Paul Shapera. ... more
Paul Shapera recommends:
The Silver Key
by Ah Pook the Destroyer
It was a chance to collaborate with Matthew Broyles of The Matthew Show, longtime co-conspirator, and make a classic rock album.
go to albumIf you like Paul Shapera, you may also like:
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by The Mechanisms
supported by 41 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Golden Pendant”
If I had a nickel for every time Jonny destroyed the universe by opening a door, I'd have two nickles.
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High Noon Over Camelot
by The Mechanisms
supported by 39 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Golden Pendant”
This is a great adaptation of Arthuriana and a brilliant narrative album. I love how the queerness of the characters is handled as an integral part of the narrative and plot development without it being the end all be all of the characters themselves. my boy Gawain deserved better though
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Once Upon A Time (In Space)
by The Mechanisms
supported by 36 fans who also own “Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Golden Pendant”
excellent narrative album containing space pirates, reworkings of classic folk tunes and a fascinating retelling of European fairy tales
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Super Connected (2023)
by Tim Arnold
Tim Arnold's latest album of lushly detailed art-pop explores the insidious ways tech surveillance has become a part of our lives.
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The latest from NY’s David Nagler is a stirring chamber-folk record with rich instrumentation and vivid, evocative lyrics.
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